I am shaking. Joe Biden has been elected as our country's next president.
I wasn't aware how much Donald Trump impacted me. My body is shaking, letting go all of my defenses from an abusive man. I have been holding on to this feeling since I was a 14 year old when the Golf Pro drove me home and never dropped me off. I have been holding onto this feeling of being violated for 44 years. Somehow, Trump brought these feelings to the surface.
Donald Trump made it clear that violating women was OK and part of what men do. It was something that men brag about publicly. Well at least some men. He also made it clear that men get away with it and there are no consequences to their actions. Women are just supposed to take it.
I wasn’t aware that I had been holding all of this pain. It wasn’t until I heard Biden's acceptance speech.
“We all need to be kind to each other” I heard him say.
I was sitting on a u-shaped grey couch with Laura and Natalie in a 1880 farmhouse living room in Sebastopol. When I looked out the large window I could see the sun shining on an old redwood tree, giving a sign of hope. We were all in our bathing suits ready to go outside and jump into the cold pool. Supposedly this is good for you. I had just bought a two-piece bathing suit from Milla Mills, blue top and a wild high-waisted pant. My tea was stone cold. A vote for Trump pin sat on the rectangular wood coffee table.
Can this be real? I asked my friends.
I am still shaking two hours later. After a jump in a cold pool, then a hot shower and tending to my face, I don’t really know what to do. I didn’t know what to do when I was 14 years old either. I sat frozen and quiet. I buried the experience deep in me. Not letting anyone know.
Somehow seeing Trump, so brazen, so pompous had allowed my rage and my anger to come up. As it did for all other people.
How we’ve been treating people is no longer acceptable. No more. No more ripping children from their parents. No longer treating people lesser because of the color of their skin or their religious faith. No longer taking advantage of people and abusing them.
Pain is a tricky thing. I wanted to keep this pain buried, hidden, far from the sunlight. I wanted the pain to be in the redwood tree, underneath the bark, buried deep in the rings of life.
But it took someone like Trump to expose our pain, feel it and let it move us. To say - No More. We are better than this. When we feel our pain, we return to our love, our wisdom.
Here is to more love.